Tuesday, 10 November 2009

Today's Sermon...

Warning: Not all of this story is true. Also this is not intended to offend anyone - my God has a sense of humour!

My dearly beloved Groupies!

Today I want to tell you about what happened to me this morning!

There I was, ridin' down the road like I usually do, when I noticed that a woman in a car was right behind me. I mean RIGHT BEHIND ME!

Then, as we went into a narrow bend, with cars a-comin' the other way, the car that was RIGHT BEHIND ME started to over take me!

Now, I knew that there wasn't room on that bend for me, the car that was now RIGHT NEXT TO ME and the cars that were a-comin' the other way, so I pulled over and stopped.

And I looked up to The Lord and I said to him:

"Please Lord, Smite this stupid bitch down!"

But The Lord in his wisdom spake to me, saying:

"Do not show anger to this poor person! Show her kindness and compassion so that she will take this forward and become a better person. Besides, I don't do Smiting any more, in case you hadn't noticed."

So, taking The Lord's advice, I smiled at the woman in the car, gave her a "thumbs up" and shouted:

"Good morning! Nice driving!"

And did my happy, friendly gesture make her happy?

Did it hell! A weaker man would have been struck dead by her glare!

So I looked up to The Lord again and said:

"Did you see that?"

And The Lord spake again:

"Ah screw it!"

And that is why the Police are currently trying to work out how a perfectly good car could suddenly explode in the middle of the city.

Take heed - Smiting is back on the menu!


morethananelectrician said...

Maybe a little smiting is good for society. I system of checks and balances every once in a while... :)

Kate said...

hahaha - happy biking!

Rock Chef said...

Sparky - I think so!

Kate - glad you liked it!

terri said...

Ahhhh.... good old smiting and spaking are back. This sounds like the Bruce Almighty effect!

James said...

Some drivers are plain crazy...notice I didn't say ANYTHING about it being a woman driver....

Rock Chef said...

Terri - Works for me!

James - Good thing too! Personally, I find that the worst drivers are guys. A guy pulling off this move would have been going at double the speed...

Sid said...

Bwahaha. I'm glad I'm not the only one who asks God to punish terrible drivers.

mr zig said...

heheheh - LOVED that post! :)

Marie said...

Great post. I don't drive at the moment, and other drivers always piss me off. I almost got run over the other day while trying to cross the road - and it wasn't my fault!

agg79 said...

RC - you're looking at this the wrong way. Maybe she was stalking you. Maybe she was lusting after your rock hard abs and that killer smile.