Today I visited a store called Aldi - "Spend a little, live a lot!" is the strap line. They are cheap-ish, everything is still in its boxes and it all seems to come from east European countries that no one has ever heard of.
Anyway, I was passing, needed something to nibble on so I went in.
It is a fairly big shop - half a dozen aisles and 5 checkouts.
There were about 3 customers and one worker in sight. The worker, a blond haired, blue eyed Nazi of a woman, was arranging some stuff in a basket near the middle of the shop.
I grabbed a couple of items and then headed towards the checkouts.
"CHECKOUT 5 PLEASE!"
The words came like bullets.
I dived behind the nearest box of beans and weeners. Poking my head over the top, I could see that she was still fussing with the basket of something or other.
On my belly I crawled to checkout 5, breathing easier when I reached the trench between it and checkout 4.
Eventually Eva (the name I decided to give to the woman) finished rustling the contents of the basket and strode slowly, menacingly, over to the checkout.
She seated herself.
Adjusted the seat.
Typed in her ID code.
Shrugged her shoulders.
Then, BAM, BAM, she scanned my items with lightning speed and precision.
"TWO POUNDS EIGHT PENCE PLEASE!"
I dived into the bottom of the trench, covering my head with my hands, waiting for the dust and rubble to settle.
I gingerly raised my hand over the top of the parapet, depositing the cash and grasping my rations.
I made a break for the door.
The last aimed just above my head, making me duck but not slowing my rush to escape.
"Live a lot", eh? Can't accuse them of false advertising, I guess!