Wednesday 27 February 2013

A moment of rashness

I am not really big on public speaking.  OK I sometimes stand up in front of a class and tell them stuff, and I have also done the odd presentation at Uni open days, but other than that I hang back.  Even in my band days, as the bass player, I got to hang back and just play.

However, as we talked about my dad's funeral I rashly said that I would say a few words.

I let the idea settle for a few days before starting to consciously think about what I would say, but then started to realise what a tough job this was going to be.  His life had been very difficult and at one time or another he had managed to fall out with just about everyone that he knew - especially family.  I did not want to paint one of those horribly rosey pictures that leaves people wondering if they are at the wrong funeral, but at the same time I did not want to dwell on the many problems that haunted his life.

A tough one!

Then I hit on the solution.

I would treat it as a blog post.  In my years of blogging I have learnt to do exactly what I needed to do here!  So my "few words" have taken shape:

A short metaphor for what life was like for my dad and those close to him - a way of telling it like it was without the risk of upsetting anyone.  Then a series of enduring memories of time with my dad, memories that at least some of those present will share.  Things from when I was a child, things he did and said, things to bring a smile, like the time he built a rabbit hutch in the kitchen only to find that it was too big to fit through the door to the garden.  Not a biography, just a series of impressions.  I think it will work.

10 comments:

ShadowRun300 said...

I think you definitely have the right idea! We recently went to a funeral of a friend's dad who was not an ideal father or husband while alive. His daughter did just what you plan to do.
You'll do a great job, I'm sure. And there must have been SOME good in him, because he spawned a caring, compassionate and giving son.

terri said...

You have an honest and sincere approach. I think your words will be just perfect.

I have an uncle who died a couple of years ago. What you describe of your dad sounds a lot like my uncle. But he was one of those guys who people, at least my sister and I, loved in spite of his flaws. He was who was rough around the edges, but there was something about him that you still just had to love. My sister did his eulogy. It was honest and loving and she used humor to soften the statements that would otherwise not have been so well received. And it was great. My uncle would have been proud. Your dad will be proud of your words too.

Abby said...

Nice outline of what certainly sounds like "a tough one!" No rosiness, but no rants either. It's not always easy to pull off, but you will.

agg79 said...

I agree with everyone else, if anyone can pull it off, you can. It's hard to sand away the rough edges of one's life but I think your approach is excellent. Not everyone is a saint but I'm sure you are the best one to tell his story. Good luck.

Rock Chef said...

ShadowRun300 - Oh yes, there was plenty of good in him.

Terri - I hope so.

Abby - Thanks, I think I have got it right...

Agg79 - Thanks. Too late to change it now!

Riot Kitty said...

What a great idea. It sounds like a very conflicting time for you - it was for Mr. RK when his mom died, too. Hang in there.

meleah rebeccah said...

Oh no. I am terribly sorry to hear about the passing of your father. Like everyone else already said, I think you have the right idea. Just speak from the heart.

LL Cool Joe said...

What a great idea. I understand your dilemma. My mother , who is still alive, has made so many enemies in life and has fallen out with so may people, and to be honest was abusive to both me and my brother, and I often wonder what I will say at her funeral. I think it would be a good idea to focus on some of the good moments, because they do exist, because I believe that no one is all bad.

Shrinky said...

Whoever he was, you loved him - warts and all, and I'm sure you have a whole kaleidoscope of memories to draw from to honour him without feeling hypocritical. It's such a tough one when a parent dies, I'm so sorry for your loss hon - I'm sure you'll find the right words, I hope the day isn't too taxing, and is shared by much love and support.

lotta joy said...

HOW I WISH I'd had the balls to walk to the podium at my brother's funeral, grab the preacher by the ass and toss him up the aisle. My bother needed words that reminded everyone of his helpful heart. Instead, we got a full report of the preacher's "darling daughters".

I have never figured out that eulogy or my lack of doing the right thing.